Corpse Duty
by L.D. Eddy
Summary: Dead Switch and Reaper take care of a body.


"This is totally unsanitary, you do this all the friggin' time?"

"Yes, don't you think I'm aware of that?"

"Uugh," He stinks too."

"Aware of that as well."

They succeeded in getting the overweight corpse into the boot and had a five second breather.

"Oh, fucksake," Reaper groaned, leaning up against the car. "How much you wanna bet I'll have to retire because a bad back when I turn 30?"

"Stop being so dramatic, Reaps. You're more likely to get shot and die," Switch replied, ever the optimist.

"You're right," Reaper moaned.

"Still, you could see a heart attack coming a mile of for him," Switch said, banging heavily on the trunk lid. She sighed.

"Hey, test subjects are hard to come by. Would you like to volunteer?"

"I'd rather haul corpses."

"Exactly."

The girls glared at the entrance to the shared lair before getting into the car; Switch driving, Clarice in the passenger's seat. Clarice had been banned from driving at all since she'd helped her friend escape from the Joker.

"Manual labour," Switch moaned to herself. Clarice rolled her eyes.

"The horror."

"Shuddup Reaps."

Not wanting to draw attention to themselves, they obeyed the highway code until they were outside the city limits. The dumping ground had been prearranged and was not the easiest place to get to. This was rural territory and of course it was never simple.

* * *

"How long does it usually take her to dispose of a body, Jonathan?" Edward asked, moving a bishop on the chessboard.

Jonathan frowned. "A while. Truthfully, I don't keep track of the time she spends away from me. It's a blessing."

"Amen to that," Edward replied. "Although, how can you be sure they aren't off right now causing absolute mayhem?"

"I can't. Damn, you've checked me," Scarecrow cursed.

"Then it's entirely lucky for you I know what those two are like when together," Edward remarked.

* * *

"I don't think this is a good idea, 'Rice," Switch said slowly, her eyes bugging out at the sight of the giant dessert-themed drink.

They'd long since finished corpse-duty and Clarice had proposed that they go to a bar in the city.

"Of course it's not a good idea, Switchy. That's what makes it fun."

Switch was just about to take a sip of the garish drink when a huge first engulfed her wrist. "Don' think that's a good idea, Switch."

"Mannie?" She gaped, surprised. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hey, let go of my drink!" Clarice snapped at Zowie, trying to tug it back from him. "I earned that!"

"Orders. Gotta bring you home," Mannie muttered warily.

"The hell you are!"

* * *

"Don't you dare fart, Shrek," Clarice snapped angrily from Zowie's fireman's grip on her. She looked over at Switch to see if her companion was doing any better in the upside down hold of Mannie's. She was glaring at his butt, more than likely thinking of random ways to make him drop her without getting hurt.

"I told you this wasn't a good idea, Reaps," Switch muttered angrily.

"Hey, it was a fabulous idea until these assholes came and got us. I paid! With money!" Clarice lamented. "I actually paid, I didn't steal it!"

"Not our problem," Mannie said.

Clarice gasped.

"He actually uses people words! Not caveman grunts!" Clarice said in shock. "I didn't know he could do that! I thought he was only slightly more human than a monkey!"

"Yeah, not a lot of people know he can actually use words. He grunts sometimes, though."

It was a few moments before they spoke again.

"This is all Edward's fault!" Clarice hissed.

"Of course it is," Switch sighed. "Nothing gets past him."

Clarice grumbled.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Switch replied. "At least Bondageman isn't here to see this."

"Don't jinx things just yet," 'Rice warned her.

"The boss says he's on the other side of the city," Zowie noted.

"The other one can speak in full sentences! We've nearly got a working language!" Clarice snorted acidly.

"They're only doing their jobs," Switch defended.

"Don't care. It's more fun to make fun of them for having brains that are slightly larger than the size of a pea."

* * *

_**A/N: For Stitcher!**_


End file.
